Beautiful Boy(s)

When I was younger, I thought that song by John Lennon was lame. I mean, who sings songs about their sons being "beautiful"? That was before my two sons. I don't go around singing that song, mind you, but I do sing to them and dance with them and kiss them and tell them I love them a lot. Contrary to old-school ideology, I think fatherly affection prevents tendencies toward homosexual leanings later in life - not vice versa. But, that's not the point of this post. I was just reflecting this morning on my boys, and how my love grows for them daily. It's so easy to love just about everything about Evan at the stage he's in - six months old. Nathan, on the other hand, is two years and six months old and is testing almost every boundary around him - both seen and unseen.

Laura and I were just talking about how she worried while pregnant with Evan that she might not be able to love him like Nathan. Those fears have long been squashed by the enlargment of her heart for Evan.

I have a greater understanding of God's love for me through this, as I realize that God does have favorites just like I do! Nathan is my favorite - my favorite Nathan! And Evan is my favorite Evan! I cannot compare the two as "apples to apples" for, although they are similar and "come from my loins", they are unique individuals! There may be certain traits I prefer in each of them, but I don't love one more than another - perhaps just different, as they are different.

I don't like the fact that Nathan fought with me on just about every issue the past couple of days, but I love him enough to stand firm and train/correct him accordingly and consistently. I don't like that he woke me up at 2:30 AM this morning, crying and thrashing about in his sleep, but I lovingly held him and spoke gently to him and prayed God's peace over him. I don't like that he started "blowing chunks" over my shoulder as I held him next to the bathtub (they need larger holes in those drains!), but I love him enough to clean him up and apologize for his being sick as I realized my fault while examining the goo in the tub. (Parenting tip: make sure you and your spouse aren't unknowingly feeding your child vomit-inducing food combinations before bedtime!) I love him enough to hold him upright for another hour so he can fall back to sleep (though I can't), minutes before I have to get up and go to work. But that's what real love looks like. It isn't always convenient or pretty. But it is a wonderful and beautiful thing.